


not a great cafe date, are you?

by petalprose



Series: starring: hamlet and mothman [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Café, Gen, POV Second Person, do not copy to other site
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-04 22:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20478179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/petalprose/pseuds/petalprose
Summary: you slurp on your shake, making sure to make as obnoxious a sound as physically possible to show your agreement. eyeing haven's meal, you say, "if i had, like, zero point seven percent less self control i'd probably steal a bite of that."haven shoves the thing in his mouth just to spite you. you sputter out a surprised laugh, nigh-choking on your drink. a piece of cake gets lodged in your throat."oh my god," haven says, but since he has a burger-pizza in his mouth it comes out as "mmfh hghgn ghrd," and that is what pushes you into full blown choking.unfortunately, haven cannot stop himself from laughing at your expense, and suffers the same fate as you.





	not a great cafe date, are you?

**Author's Note:**

> this was written around november last year. this is part of starring: hamlet and mothman, and is an early exploration into haven and pine's dynamic. of course, they've changed since then, and so has the plot, and, yknow. my writing style in general. decided to publish it just so its on here.

_halo makes to grab your shoulder and you move away, shifting so she misses. she looks at you in confusion and you laugh it off, forcing breaths through the cloud of your chest to explain that you'd gotten a cut there._  
  
(it's not a lie. you had gotten a cut there. but that was eons ago, when you were still able to accept touch instead of flinch away from it.)  
  
it's cold.  
/  
the cafe you and haven are in is crowded. there are students his age milling about. the two of you are sitting in a booth at the back, a clear view of everyone else available to you. you'd insisted on getting this seat, citing that it was your favourite one. haven was exasperated, given that he was the regular customer between you both and you were merely tagging along. you observe the people around you both, only half-listening to haven. the cafe is quaint; you can see why he'd frequent it. it's well ventilated and well decorated. it knows well who its patrons are and caters to them.  
  
"—and— pine. pine?"  
  
"yes?" you turn your attention back to him, shoulders turned toward yourself as you lean further back into your chair. he looks mildly irritated. you shrink into yourself further.  
  
he sighs. "i was just going to ask if you wanted anything else off the menu."  
  
"oh, right, uh-" you scramble, fumbling for the flimsy plastic booklet. "the chocolate supreme kinda looks nice."  
  
"is that all?"  
  
"the black forest cake slice," you say.

he nods, then waves over a waitress.  
  
"hello!" the girl smiles, and you recognize her- she's also going into criminology, you think, she's in one of your classes. "what'd you like to order today?"  
  
"whatever you'd recommend," you blurt out. "you get everything right in every exam we have, i wouldn't be surprised if you got me a perfect meal."  
  
the girl blinks. haven's grip on his menu falters. "i'm— oh, wait. pine?" recognition flashes on her face.

you smile at her and steadfastly ignore the look of incredulity haven levels at you. "yeah," you say. "i didn't know you worked here, sophie."  
  
sophie hums. it’s a short sound. "well, i've only recently been hired," she says. "onto more important topics. do you seriously want me to pick your meal?"  
  
"yeah, why not?" you shrug.  
  
"i'll pass on that," says haven. your leg stills from bouncing. wait, bouncing? when did you start doing that? shit.  
  
"oh, of course, sir." sophie turns her attention to haven, expression slightly apologetic. "so what will you have?"  
  
"he'll have whatever's most expensive on the menu," you say, interrupting haven just as he starts speaking. the action gets the reaction you expected: he presses his lips together. the action gets the reaction you wanted: sophie smiles.  
  
"out of a uni student's regular price range, i should think," she says. "particularly yours, pine."  
  
you lift a hand to your chest. "i'm hurt," you say, affectating affront. "i'm sure i could more than afford to take at least the both of us out."  
  
"oh my god," says haven. sophie looks incredibly amused.  
  
"i'll take you up on that offer," says sophie. then she addresses haven. "i'm sure with pine's antics you've had more than enough time to think, sir, so what'll you have?"  
  
haven is silent for all of half a second before he replies. "i've almost lost my appetite with how sickeningly saccharine pine's been," he snorts. "and you don't have to keep calling me sir. i'll have the afternoon special and a slice of carrot cake."  
  
sophie nods. "all right," she says. "i'll have your orders ready in ten minutes, mister..."  
  
"haven."  
  
"haven," she says. "keep your pet in line." with that she turns tail and skips toward the counter, you gaping after her and haven barking out a surprised laugh.  
  
"she's nice," he says, sounding contemplative. you lean back into your seat with more force than is strictly necessary. "yeah," you say, "but _mean_. "  
  
"do you really _mean_ to take her out?"  
  
you blink. "well, yeah," you say. "if she really means to take me up on it." you tap on the tabletop absently.  
  
haven is once again silent for a beat or so before he gives a considering, unnecessarily prolonged hum. "she's a classmate of yours, isn't she." it isn't a question. the answer to that had been pretty much apparent throughout your conversation.  
  
you nod once in affirmation. "criminology, but she's going on to be a cop."  
  
"a cop, huh?" he looks over in her direction, where she is currently chatting amiably with a group of girls at another table. he side eyes you. "and you're taking criminal law."  
  
"...yes." you frown at him. "if you're suggesting that we'll end up being a brooklyn nine nine plotline, haven, i'm going to have to kill you."  
  
"ah, the continually corrupted justice system." he shifts so he faces you fully again and runs a hand through his hair. "how my tender heart weeps."  
  
"it's the only reliable thing in this world," you say, haughty. "without it there wouldn't be half the current jobs."  
  
"yeah but is that really a good thing, though," he says. a barista leans over the counter and taps on his shoulder before he can continue. haven twists in his seat, and as he gives the barista his attention you poke at a chip in the table.  
  
"'ven," says the barista, "your order'll be ready in a couple minutes. you guys want anythin' else?"  
  
haven shakes his head. "nah, i'm good. pine?"  
  
"yeah, same here." you pause. "and well it's not like i even know what i'm getting, anyway."  
  
"yeah," haven gives a short laugh. "so that'll be all, ben."  
  
the barista— ben— nods. "all right," he says, "see y'all in a few." with that he returns to the counter proper.

haven turns back to face you. "ben's in the same french class i'm in, but he just started uni last year," he informs you.

you have picked up your table napkin while they've been talking. you twist one of its corners as you give a noncommittal hum. "so what's his major?" you ask.

haven shrugs. "i think he's a liberal arts kid?" he says. "although i have seen him hanging around the varsities, so it's really anyone's guess."  
  
"liberal arts?"  
  
"liberal arts." he looks at you questioningly. "why?"  
  
"'s nothing." you stop fiddling with the table napkin in favour of inspecting its lace. "just kind of figured he'd be in med school, looks sleep deprived enough. but well, he does sorta look like he could model for stuff."  
  
“_model?_” haven says, sounding like he'd just been choked.

you look up. "what?" you say. "i mean, if he can stand around all day taking orders from soccer moms then he can surely stand to stay still for the time it takes for a student to paint him."  
  
haven looks oddly relieved. "shit," he says, "i thought you'd meant, like, runway modelling."  
  
you stifle a snicker. "man, no way. no offense to benny but he looks half a second away to homicide."  
  
"patently untrue," chimes the subject of your conversation. the grin that had been growing on haven's face drops as you both turn abruptly toward ben.  
  
"dude," you gasp, gripping on the table napkin like it's a lifeline, "some word of warning would be appreciated."  
  
"sorry," says ben, not looking at all sorry. he shuffles the tray in his hand, setting it down. "just so you know i would never commit murder if i snapped. i'd commit a murder suicide."  
  
"right," says haven. "good to know. thank you for giving an advanced account to our resident future lawyer."  
  
ben looks up from sliding a plate toward haven. "future lawyer?" he asks.  
  
you nod, eyeing the strawberry shake. you think it's yours, and your suspicion is confirmed when haven shoves it over to you. "yeah, criminal law and paleontology double majors."  
  
"oh, babe." ben scrunches up his face into an exaggerated wince. "how are you managing."  
  
"barely," you grin. "how much caffeine does this shake have."  
  
"probably not enough for you."  
  
"alas."  
  
_alas_, haven mouths, exaggerated. "caffeine doesn't do anything for you."  
  
"so? i like the taste. thanks," you add, halfway smiling at ben as he finishes setting a plate with a slice of what you assume is a lava cake in front of you. you think it's exactly an inch from the edge of the table.  
  
"no prob," says ben.  
  
"same, man. thanks," haven says. "and pine, what the fuck are you even talking about? this is a strawberry shake. it wouldn't taste like-"  
  
you pick the glass up, looking him right in the eyes and ignoring the straw entirely as you chug.  
  
"right," ben says. "i'm not getting caught in your lover's quarrel. see you and your bill." you see him walk off toward the employee's break room out of the corner of your eyes.  
  
impressively, you do not choke on your shake the moment 'lover's quarrel' leaves his mouth, the notion almost startling a laugh out of you.  
  
"club sandwich," you say, once you have set the glass back down and made sure your sinuses are clear of strawberry. "nice."  
  
"pineapple pizza," corrects haven. he turns the plate around. then does so again. he frowns.  
  
"or some amalgamation of the two?" you offer, exhaling a tired laugh. haven nods, the action slow and distracted.  
  
"the afternoon special advertises either of the two," says haven. "and i never get the club sandwich version. what fresh hell is this?"  
  
"it's beauty is what it is." you sink your fork into your cake and twist it. "try it out."  
  
"right, and die while doing so."  
  
"it doesn't look so bad," you say. you take a bite of the cake and blink. "holy shit, this is good."  
  
"guess miss sophie really does excell at whatever she does."  
  
you slurp on your shake, making sure to make as obnoxious a sound as physically possible to show your agreement. eyeing haven's meal, you say, "if i had, like, zero point seven percent less self control i'd probably steal a bite of that."  
  
haven shoves the thing in his mouth just to spite you. you sputter out a surprised laugh, nigh-choking on your drink. a piece of cake gets lodged in your throat.  
  
"oh my god," haven says, but since he has a burger-pizza in his mouth it comes out as "mmfh hghgn ghrd," and that is what pushes you into full blown choking.  
  
unfortunately, haven cannot stop himself from laughing at your expense, and suffers the same fate as you.  
  
you hear sudden shuffling from somewhere behind you, the clattering of flatware followed by a murmur of surprise, then two quick footsteps. someone's hand slams down on your back and you wheeze.  
  
"dude," someone who is presumably the owner of the hand says, "_dude_, chill."  
  
"mariah—? mariah," says haven. he'd recovered quicker than you had. you envy him. "oh my god, mariah. do you know cpr."  
  
"no," says presumably mariah. they grip the collar of your sweatshirt and shake you. "but i don't think this dumbass will need it, anyway."  
  
"correct," you force out. you grab at your shake, lifting it up to your mouth and down the rest of it with no small amount of remorse. it barely does anything to hinder your coughing but the taste lingers and makes you rue your bad decisions.  
  
Presumably Mariah moves and now that you haven't got your eyes shut and/or filled with tears you can see them. they've got a sort of punk lite aesthetic, you think? wearing a graphic tee and distressed jeans, and grey boots you immediately wish you owned. they tuck a lock of curly hair behind their ear.

  
"haven, i haven't seen you in legitimately two years and this is how we meet again." Probably Mariah glances at you. "who's your little friend here? you tryin' to kill the poor kid?"  
  
"_friend,_" haven says, sounding rightly incredulous and quite a bit pained, "oh my god. i wasn't trying to kill-"  
  
"you were," you say. "this whole thing is your fault."  
  
"my fault? _what_ is?" he sets his burger down. you push the empty shake glass to the side of the table. it merely reminds you of your folly.  
  
you suppress the urge to shrug, curling your fingers around the base of your glass. you wave it around for added dramatic effect. "if you hadn't talked with food in your mouth, like a _savage_, then i wouldn't have begun choking."  
  
"i—" haven sputters, "jesus. you always talk with food in your mouth!"  
  
you approximate an expression that conveys _and_' just to spite him.

he frowns at you for a moment then leans back abruptly with a disgruntled groan. "mariah," he says, sounding like he's well and truly suffering, "see what i have to deal with."

you take offense to this and make sure said offense coats your action of setting the glass back down. he glares at you half-heartedly.  
  
mariah, who had been watching you two while looking more and more like they weren't sure whether to be concerned or amused, finally settles on amused. "should feel lucky you're dealing with it in the first place." they glance at the booth that's behind you, right beside your own. they offer a small, reassuring smile to whoever is sat at the table. "they're fine," they say. you hear the unseen person breathe a sigh of relief.  
  
haven peers around you curiously, trying in vain to see who mariah's companion is. "who're you here with?" he asks them.

they shrug. "my girlfriend," they say, still smiling.  
  
"your _girlfriend_?" haven repeats, beginning to grin. you shift in your seat, picking up your cake fork and stabbing the side of it. haven says, "i knew it. i _knew_ my horrible pie-chart wasn't faulty," and mariah laughs.  
  
"well, you can't blame me." mariah fakes a swoon. "girls are exquisite. she swept me off my feet the moment i met her."  
  
"aw, babe," says the unseen person, whose status upgrades to Seen Person when they turn in their seat to face her. freckles, long hair, sweater. "you flatter me. i didn't have to do any sweeping of feet at all, she outright fell on her ass when she saw me."  
  
haven laughs. "holy crap, really?"  
  
"yeah," mariah says. her smile turns to a sheepish grin as she turns toward her girlfriend. "i was ice skating. i was incredibly bad at it and i was like half a foot from sliding right into her, so i forced myself into a split to fall."  
  
"it looked incredibly painful," supplies mariah's girlfriend. "i'm avery, by the way." she holds a hand out for you to shake. you take it, introducing yourself; "i'm pine, here with mariah's old friend haven. i use they/them pronouns." haven reaches across to take her hand next. "haven, mariah's friend since highschool. uh, he/him. it's great to meet you."  
  
a waiter you identify as 'carter' by their nametag makes their way over to your quartet, dodging cafe patrons. "excuse me, miss?" they ask, an accent you can’t place lacing the words, "i have your bill."  
  
avery stands up. "i'll take this," she tells mariah. mariah seems like she's going to protest for a moment before she thinks better of it. "sure," she replies. "but next time i'll foot the bill."  
  
avery roots through her wallet as she goes. mariah turns back to haven. "i'll see you around?" she says, "avery and i have a lecture to go to."  
  
"yeah," haven says, idly turning the straw of his drink. "you have my facebook, right?"

mariah nods.  
  
"babe, we've got fifteen minutes," says avery, having returned. she hooks her arm around mariah's. "it was nice meeting you," she adds, smiling at you and haven in turn. you smile back at her, assuming that haven does as well. "see y'all."  
  
once they leave, you and haven go back to eating your respective meals. you eat the cake with more enthusiasm than you feel, uncomfortable with the silence. you look around at the people in the cafe just for something to do.  
  
haven breaks the silence first.  
  
"if you're going to take sophie out, you should try that family-owned restaurant a couple streets from here," he says. you start, nearly bumping your knees on the bottom of the table.

snatching his iced tea, you ask, "you've been there before?"  
  
"yeah." haven frowns minutely, making grabbing motions at the glass. you stick your tongue out at him, but only drink a little bit of juice to appease him. haven makes a sound of distate despite your display of grace. "just have as much as you want, that's bottomless."  
  
"you sure?"  
  
"i don't want your nasty backwash."  
  
you scoff. "since when did you care about backwash?" you say. you drink more anyway, leaving just a little less than half the glass left for him. you push it back over to his side of the table.  
  
"since it began involving your backwash," he responds. "anyway. the restaurant features dishes from all over europe- the family's one of adventurers and travellers or whatever, so they made that the theme. i guess." he swishes the drink around in the glass, making an overly disgusted grimace before his face falls flat and he downs the rest of it. when he finishes, he raises his hand as though to flag down a waiter then pauses, lowering it back down slightly as he looks around the cafe.  
  
"price range?" you ask, wondering what or who he's looking for. you receive an answer when he sits up straighter, raising his hand up again and waving it as he calls for sophie. you turn to look in the direction he's looking at.

"it's not too pricey but definitely not cheap," haven answers you as sophie walks to your table.  
  
"hey, soph!" you say, once she's in earshot. "the food was great but i couldn't savour the shake, sorry."

she waves your apology off with a laugh. "it's fine," she says. "i'd seen you choking out. i'll just get you one on the house next time you come around."  
  
"oh, wait, really? you don't gotta."  
  
"only if our date goes well, then," she amends with a grin.

haven coughs unsubtly, excusing himself to the comfort room. you watch him go for all of a second, eyes skipping over the design of his sweater before you turn back toward sophie.  
  
"deal." you grin at her as she gathers up haven's plate and glass. you arrange your own, asking, "want help or anything?"

"i work here, pine. let me do my job," she says. she takes your dishes as haven makes his way back over, shaking water off his hands.  
  
"there's a restaurant a couple streets over," you say, as she straightens up. "haven recommended it."  
  
haven skirts around sophie, exchanging a small, genial smile with her before sitting back down across you. "yeah, it's a nice place."  
  
sophie hums. "i'll take your word for it," she says. "i'll be back with your bill." she turns and walks off, balancing the tray on her right hand.  
  
haven takes out his wallet but pauses when he sees you take out your own. "you'll be paying for your part?"  
  
you look up at him, mildly surprised. "uh, yeah, dude. i was the one that wanted to tag along."  
  
twisting his mouth to the side, haven says, "yeah, but you'd whined so much on the way over here that i figured you'd want me to pay for your part." there's an incredibly brief moment in the middle of his sentence where his voice falters, which you only notice because that's when haven's gaze drops from you to his wallet.  
  
you shrug at him, biting back an offended _whined?_ and feeling a bit out of your depth. "under different circumstances i would probably take advantage of your misunderstanding, but i kind of feel bad for the whole choking thing. so, you know, i'll pay for mine." after a moment, you add, "if you want i'll pay for yours too?" as a bad attempt at a joke.

in response, haven looks up to look you right in the eyes, lips thinning as he sets down two bills onto the table with deliberate precision. he stares you down. "i hope this answers your question," haven says.

there's a note of something you can’t identify in his voice that holds you back from making a petty comment. instead you scrunch your nose up at him.  
  
without bothering to reply, you duck your head and fiddle your wallet open, fingernails catching once on the clasp.

haven says, "wait," with such an obvious roll of his eyes that you look up, offense renewed.  
  
"i'm paying for your meal." he gestures toward the money he'd placed on the table. "since i actually know how much your food cost."  
  
"what, seriously?" you frown. "you come here that often?"  
  
you think he flushes. "no," he says, "well, yeah, but that's not why i know the prices."  
  
you stare at him in confusion. he stares back, unrelenting and refusing to provide more of an explanation.  
  
"here you go!" sophie's cheery voice drags your attention away from your impromptu staring contest. out the corner of your eye you can see haven's grip on his wallet relax. you hadn't noticed it grow tighter.


End file.
